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paradigm perspective

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20th March 2006

10:34am: A world view, (or worldview) is a term calqued from the German word Weltanschauung, meaning a "look onto the world". It implies a concept fundamental to German philosophy and epistemology and refers to a wide world perception. It refers to the framework through which an individual interprets the world and interacts in it.

pragmatic deception filed by the lines of decrepit inception
wild eyes with perceptions of defiled lies of piled deceptions
compiled tries in files of styled whys
contrived by inflexions of directional confections
chanting rants of panting cants
observed by mine and minds in time dont find
reality's actuality defined by nothings every factuality
action begets results, of factions of tumults
eternally focused on internal hokus pokus
sensically rejectional of logics biased perceptionals
perceptions into preceptions negating objectivism into objetionism
my thoughts wrought
my nots naught
my taughts taut

21st February 2006

10:59pm: life is... yada yada yada
beauty pain
whatthefuck ever
fuck it
im sick of it all,
and now it matters.
they made me into what they thought i was,
and the harder they try to avoid it, the harder they hit it,
but im the one who feels the impact.
i quit giving a shit in a frustrated sort of way
im not in tune, but im not trying to
because the singing hurts their ears.
i think im going to go dig a hole in the woods
and line it with plywood and cardboard for insulation
and live in it. they can come pick me up for work,
and i'll eat dinner with them,
and maybe then...
i could finally have my own place, my thoughtful spot,
a place to lay my head,
somewhere i dont feel threatened
by the people who love me.
until the man finds me,
and sees someone who hasn't bought his perfectly packaged,
improportionately excessive construct,
and i can spit in satan's face as i see it for the first time.

thank you khemsa and mikhele,
zjins and rizzle
...ok, yes, you still kick ass too
yes, you.
and i appreciate the offer,
but im out tomorrow...

16th February 2006

11:57am: ive got one week to leave,
7 days to leave this house,
leave this life, and begin again.
where i'll go i dont know yet,
but im not worried about it,
in fact, i rather look forward to it.
i felt this coming, and i feel something else coming.

they buried my soul, and cant stand my machine any more.
one only sees what one believes one can see.

cant go east yet, isnt time, have too many obligations.
DAMN OBLIGATION!!! shouldn't exist past necessity!
but it does, so, i oblige.

suggestions anyone?

6th February 2006

10:19pm: [do you remember me telling you i had one black hair on my right calf, and one white on my left, but couldnt find either? well i just found the black one again as i was sitting here. i should circle it or something; and of course, i lost it as i was getting a pen... figures]
10:02pm: men are like cats,
women are like dogs.
9:16pm: unspecificity defines me
and everything else

strife and writhing for an analogy
to represent the happiness inside of me

norah jones and fiona apple
speak for me to you, and you to me
within the bounds of MY reality, obviously

dont worry, my rhyme schemes dont make any sense to me either,
but then, i dont try to either... ...breather??? brother? ...neither.

havnt read since jack was going through tehachapi...
was too much to handle, but i think ill try tonight... goosebumps

id like to meet you again


5th February 2006

6:13pm: i could learn something from Job.

4th February 2006

9:41pm: how does one motivate one self?

1st February 2006

8:03pm: i always feel like i can only get across what i want to say to you by doing it in person, but whenever im with you, i cant seem to get any of it out, and it is very frustrating. i feel like dean moriarty," "Oh, man, the things I could tell you!" cried Dean, almost weeping." its like ive got this fucking insane insatiability surrounding my minds eye, but its a godam jerk-(accelerating acceleration)-of-a chinese finger trap. ya know, maybe i should just write to myself, because that was the most accurate introspect ive extracted in a while. yup, this is getting cut and posted. (sorry babe)[that was funny]

31st January 2006

11:24am: How many times have
you heard someone say.
If I had his money,
I could do things my way.
But little they know
that it’s so hard to find,
One rich man in ten
with a satisfied mind.

Once I was winning
in fortune and fame.
Everything that I dreamed for,
to get a start in life’s game.
Then suddenly it happened,
I lost every dime.
But I’m richer by far
with a satisfied mind.

Money cant buy back
your youth when you’re old.
Or a friend when you’re lonely,
or a love that’s grown cold.
The wealthiest person
is a popper at times.
Compared to the man
with a satisfied mind.

When life has ended
and my time has run out.
My friends and my loved ones
will leave, there’s no doubt.
But there’s one thing for certain
when it comes my time.
I’ll leave this old world
with a satisfied mind.

How many times have
you heard someone say.
If I had his money,
I could do things my way.
But little they know
that it’s so hard to find,
One rich man in ten
with a satisfied mind.
9:44am: what's the meaning of dreams?
metaphors, similes, parables, or anything?
its you and me,
in a position that we know we shouldn't be,
but it doesn't happen
and we're left happier
than we were in reality

30th January 2006

8:33pm: im rather fond of quentin tarantino,
hostel was exactly what i'd expected of him... brilliant!
2:53am: eastern thought is context; liberated

shrimp fried in butter, garlic, olive oil, chianti, and pepper
with noodles in a butter, garlic, olive oil, sugar sauce
a little s & p, with 3 glasses of wine...
mmm... friends

24th January 2006

12:19am: i release that you from me,
and so you're free.
but i'll hold forever,
what you've taken from me.
12:10am: time and keeping
up down and around i abound,
cap and gown i found i surround
side to side inside i abide,
tied to stride in tide i reside
back and forth beyond the north,
i crack the door and find the fourth
12:08am: aparently its long past one in the morning tomorrow already

23rd January 2006

11:53pm: ah... hem;
spontenaety complacently contracting apathy
wrapped in me,contractually and weathering
formidable contestants raptured homogeny
forlorn protestants captured in destiny
my prosthetics finding function in conjunction
with the ethics of dysfunction
whiled style, and deformed filing
crying beside lied ties
intrinsicly torn between form and norm
i find the lines time and storm
12:27am: ultimate artefactual
the site speaks for itself
12:10am: im flit and flying through the decay
processed beef, on candid display
corpse and mortified by desire
crack and curl croooked cospire
hadrons symetry in capras society
bootstraps and umbillical cords burning deny me
following footsteps finds flat forensics
and galloping corsetts try narrowing precepts
ergo the evermore of longing life
inside the bullet whore, concealing strife
edges if inklings borrowing thinking,
ledges of blinking harrowing drinking
confide, decide, reside beside
the right inside

22nd January 2006

11:51pm: as time stops,
the world becomes clear.
and the mirrored image,
of yourself appears.
you cant understand,
what you wont allow to be true.
you never thought what we did,
would eventually be you.
or you took it as fate,
because maybe you knew.
but if you did know then,
you have now forgotten.
because if beauty is sweet,
your fruits gone rotten.

19th January 2006

11:18pm: in order for me to take action, and really start living my life with purpose, i need to figure out what that purpose is (assuming i have one). i believe my purpose, the reason i am alive, is so that i can benefit the whole of the world. with this in mind, how do i accomplish this goal? political leadership? literary achievement? scientific achievement? economic influence? power? none of these really feel right. i think that because i do not know how i will benefit the world, i should at this point conclude that i am not supposed to know now if ever. i therefore should go about learning as much as i possibly can about everything. its rather ironic that thats exactly what ive been doing my whole life (with certain exceptional periods of stagnation). this is an 'of course'* concept. i should therefore revamp my quest for understanding, and use what i have learned thus far in order to more efficiently and effectively accomplish this renewly prioritized task. going by what i have learned thus far, in order for me to do what i do best (learn), i need to get into a social environment in which the people surrounding me are willing to share their ideas and perspectives readily, and will listen to and constructively critique my own. where this place is seems to be a rather elusive location to me. college is the sort of typical no-brainer answer to that, but i would like my brain to be involved in the formulation of the answer. college is now an institution that has lost my trust as an informant. the motives of the educational system are mainly monetary. evergreen still seems a very good option, why do i feel so... not stoked about it? is it my natural tendency to reject all decisions, or is there some reason i dont yet see for which i should not attend? ideally, i would like to form a group of close friends, start some sort of business that we can work when we need money, and not work when we wish to travel, or at least be able to work and travel. i would like to travel far far more than any typical job would allow, and i would like to be able to travel either with, or to friends, and have friends all over the country and world. i suppose i could therefore begin to work toward those two things: the business, and friends network. i suppose that i could go to school for the business aspect, and simultaneously begin the networking of global friends. this way, i could graduate, start the business with some of these friends, and giterdun! if i am to go to school, of course* i could use it for the purpose it is currently designed for: capitol gain! ha HA! i have found my place in the fucking of the fucking system! eventually, my cumulative understanding will somehow bring about the demise of demise, and the upswing of upswing.

*thank you
12:12am: no matter how you look at it,
now is all there is,
today is all we have,
for tomorrow will never be tomorrow,
for when tomorrow gets here,
tomorrow's today.
you can live today in two ways:
fear, that tomorrow will never become today,
or appreciation, that yesterday, today was tomorrow.

the future becomes tomorrow,
when tomorrow becomes today,
and today becomes yesterday,
while yesterday becomes the past.

so,continuing this line of logic (time):

beyond comprehension becomes tomorrow,
tomorrow is the future,
the future becomes today,
today is tomorrow,
tomorrow becomes yesterday,
yesterday is today,
today becomes the past,
the past is yesterday,
and yesterday becomes beyond comprehension.

i cant even put into words what i just discovered.
fuck you all!!!

18th January 2006

11:55pm: i will change the world.
not my country,
not my community,
not the world that surrounds me,
the whole world.
not because i want a great place in history,
but because i want this place in history to be great.
there is too much imbalance in the world,
too much pain,
and misplaced frustration.
everybody knows that money has absolutely nothing to do with happiness past the point of poverty. the ratio of happiness to income past poverty is obsolete. it is a lie that capitol can make us happy, and it is propagated by the people who believe it, because although money is not happiness, it is power, and the ones who have it, abuse it.
im so... livid. i understand why the underprivilidged world is left to die while we are left to suffer. we bought the lie that the rich and powerful fed to us, and i cant blame us; theyre rich and powerful, why not try to be like them, everybody wants wealth and power, right? FUCKING WRONG!!! everybody wants HAPPINESS! we all merely wish to be content with the situation of living, we want to be separate from the animals; fighting every moment of existence merely to survive. we want to be confident enough that tomorrow will come, so that we can live today. we shouldn't have to live for today for fear that tomorrow may never come.

17th January 2006

3:10am: its time for my own poetry
i was catatonic,
but what goes through the head of the one in the coma?
ha ha HA!
while my ship was going through the storm,
i retreated into my cabin when most would brave the deck,
but i prayed for the rain.
in my solitude i pray again,
and find the storm to be beautiful
so it spares me,
and the sun comes out to bless me.
my process found the sun.
2:39am: i was here


Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live

I fell again
Like a baby unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go
High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live

Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Needy hole please release me

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live

-i found the sun
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